Thinking

Sometimes I find myself thinking a lot when I'm not suppose to.
P.S. You inspired me to blog tonight Maggie! (:

I decided to take off two weeks from work so that I can catch up on sleep and work. So far it's been going well. Today I decided to take a nap around 5 but ended up waking up around 10 o_o That was a really good sleep!

The end of my high school years is about to come to an end and I regret letting my self mess up. I mean yeah during those times I was struggling and dealing with the lose of my family members but I should have kept going and keep my act together. I was already good in school and determined to pass classes with at least a B. In fact I wish I had more help in high school because I can honestly say that I didn't really understand a lot of things. Things such as my requirements, college, etc. in fact, my counselor didn't help me with shit back in Verdugo. It was more of like "Take this because I have no where else to put you and no you can't take AP or that class because you're in magnet or you never took the regular class so I don't think you can do it." Thanks for the inspiration. Not

I really hope that Molina doesn't go to Verdugo. I mean the school was good and all until the new principle came. Screwing up everything! Molina deserves to go to a high school SHE wants to go to, not where my dad wants her to go. Hey dad, just to let you know, each and everyone of your daughters are skilled in some sort of art whether you like it or not. She wants to go to central high school and increase her skills. She knows what she wants to be when she grows up. One C does not make her stupid ok? We're sorry that we're not perfect and can't get straight A's. At least we try. Does that even matter to you? No cause you're too worked up in what everyone else thinks of you.

I find it funny when you use the terms "Did I raise you guys to blah blah blah" I mean yeah you were there to watch us grow our whole lives, but do you really know us? What have you taught us besides yelling and screaming? What is our favorite color? What do we like to eat? What do we have planned for our future? What is our weakness? What are our hobbies? Etc.

In your eyes, you see me as lazy and always going out to "party". Sorry dad but I'm not a gangster or a hood rat like you think I am. I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke. When I go to parties, I just eat, dance, and have fun. I'm not you. Don't tell me you know what "we kids" do now a days. You don't even know the type of people I hang out with. "You better watch out who you make friends with. They might push you to do things" Please dad, I may sound like a regular teenager saying this but I don't make friends with people who are going to fuck up their lives right now and are not worth my time. Talk to me about my friends when you actually know them. I barley have anytime for my self now. What makes you think I'm always going out just to get out? I have my priorities.

Just because I didn't get into a UC, it doesn't mean I'm not good enough mom and dad. Try putting yourself in my shoes through out my high school years. Maybe then you would know why. Guess what? You wouldn't cause you're not me and you never took the time to actually be there because, let me say this again, you guys are too worried about what your friends think about you. The only time you're ever proud is when we get an award or something. Times when we are not doing so well, all you do is yell. Thanks for the motivation. Not.

When I was a freshmen, all I ever did was study and stay home. Yeah I was on the dance team and danced a lot. But at least I was able to pass my classes. Me staying late after school meant going out for you. Wait let me rephrase that, everything meant going out for you. Can you imagine taking a class full of people who always fucks around? It makes it harder for those who actually want to learn. Losing Grandpa was my first lost and I had a hard time picking up the pieces and getting myself back up on my feet. But I did it anyways. It was hard but I knew i could do it.

Sophomore year was tough because of AP Bio. It was hard because the class gave our teacher a hard time so he eventually gave up on us. I spent nights and nights just trying to study and if I were to over sleep you'd yell at me thinking I'm up chatting. During this year, 2-3 more deaths occurred in the family and I was falling apart more and more each time. I failed Alg2 because in this class, you had to have a 75% + to pass, and I happen to have to miss the final because of funerals so my grade went down and received an automatic fail.

Junior year, I swear I can't take this school anymore! I wanted out but you wouldn't let me. True I got more involved with YUCA and started working. True I started going out more and my schedule was more busy then ever. But what am I to do if all you ever did was yell at me and blame everything on me when I didn't even do shit? Why are you pressuring me to quit everything when you don't even know what everything is? If I'm so worthless, then why aren't you helping me?

As my final year in high school, I am doing so much better. I am glad that I took up all these loads of stuff to do. I'm glad that I'm never home to deal with your shit. I'm glad that I made these decisions. I'm happy with the friends I made and grew close to, and I'm glad that they actually encourage me to keep going.

Dear parents, for once, can you actually be there for your daughters instead of worrying so much about what others think of you?

Dear friends, thanks for putting up with me and sticking beside me even though there were many times I would have just given up on myself.

Dear you know who you people are, thanks ♥

Dear future, give me your best shot!

Dear life, keep moving forward

Dear self, you can do it!

-- I really intended on going on but, I must sleeep ! Till next time bloggers (: