"why are you still with him?"

One day I might not have an answer if this keeps happening..

Appreciate what you have

Because one day you might just end up pushing me away further then you should

I miss being happy..

I give up on myself.

Because he really cares..

So this past Friday.. I was at a install with my pledge sisters. I was an emotional wreck so I asked Eugene if I could come over after.. I told him I was suppose to end around 11 and that I would head over after but little did I know.. we ended up staying till like 11:45 and my phone died! Plus! On the way back to Rosemead.. we hit traffic because there was road construction going on so only 2 lanes were open and we didn't get back till like.. 12:30-12:45. Right when we got to Lynn's house, I jumped into my car to charge my phone right away! When my phone finally charged.. I called Eugene right away and boy was he mad.. Things weren't going well..

Finally when I got to him.. it wasn't pretty.. I found out that he called so many people like crazy and had so many people call me just to find out where I was because he was really worried.. I mean.. what could I do if my phone was dead.. Lynn's was dead.. and I had no way of contacting him? We made up and all.. but it just made me realize how much he really cares about me even more.. I mean yeah we fought and all but.. What can I say? I would flip out too if I were to be in his shoes.

This weekend, he pretty much made sure I was okay and forget about all my problems.

Let's not get into details bout that talks we had (:

I love you babe ♥

Call me crazy but..

So what if I miss him like crazy?

So what if I always want him around?

So what if I choose to spend my free time with him instead of my friends?

So what if I want to drive all the way to Riverside just to be with him for a hour or less?

So what if I cry hard because I miss him?

So what if I get sad over the fact that we're both busy and don't talk or text as much as we use to?

So what if I want to be with him?

So what if he drives me insane?

So what if he makes me cry?

So what if he makes me mad?

So what if I want to be with him even though he has done so much to me?

So what if I am willing to put up with everything?

So what if I am hella clingy?

So what if I need him more then anyone else?

So what if I "try too hard"?

So what if I am willing to give up anything for him?

So what if I say I love him?

So what if I really do?

I miss you..

Wonderful Week(:

Tuesday, March 22

Went to visit Eugene at his foster parents house. I got to meet Elaine first, his foster mom. She is so cute and talkative! We just kept going on and on with making fun of Eugene! Later Eugene and I went for a walk around the lake. THE LAKE IS HIS FREAKEN BACKYARD O.O. It's a private late that is meant for residents only. There were so many ducks and turtles! It took us a whole hour or more to finish walking the whole lake because it was so huge! After we came back and went to get In-N-Out. Babe busted out some old school music and we were both just dancing in the car. Hah he's so adorable when he's in his happy mode. Came back, ate, then Ellen and Chloe came over. They're so fun to be with! Just cause we all picked on Eugene HEH. Babe and I ended up watching Toy Story 3. My laptop started to over heat so we had to turn it off. Dave, his foster dad, came home so we got to sit and talk for a bit. Then a bunch of Eugene's friends came over and we all had dinner. OMG THE CHICKEN POT PIE THAT ELAINE MADE WAS BOMBBBB I WANT MORE! Afterwards, we went to get boba at Bounce. Babe was sleepy so he ended up sleeping on the way there, at the place, and on the way back.

Wednesday, March 23

Arg it wasn't really a good day. Until I got the best phone call from babe! He sounded like he was mad at me and didn't want to talk to me at first.. then suddenly he asked me what I was doing tomorrow and I said nothing..AND THENNNNNNNN HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO TO DISNEYLAND! OH MY GAHHHHHHH :DDDDD I WAS IN THE BEST MOOOD EVER! He asked if he could spend the night so that it would be easier for us to just go in the morning but I had to ask my dad. Surprisingly, my dad let O.O So babe came over and nagged at me to do homework while he played Pokemon! =.= Thanks..

Thursday, March 24

DISNEYLAND! Okay this was a really long day so I'm going to try to make it short! Went to eat breakfast at Ihop. Got to disneyland. Got our world of colors ticket. Went back over to Disneyland. Walked around, went on It's a small world, the boat ride around the lake, the haunted mansion, the winnie the pooh ride, the pirates of the caribbeans, then we decided to head over to california adventures. So before we left, I found Donald Duck and Goofy and I really wanted to take a picture with them! When I got to them, Donald gave me a kiss on the hand, so now babe wants to kill him! LOL We got to California Adventures and went on Mickey's Fun Wheel! I was scared shitless! We ended up going back to Disneyland to use our fastpass for Space Mountain then we went to have dinner at Blue Bayou (the restaurant inside the pirates of the caribbean ride) OMG THE PRICE WAS O.O but the food was soooooo gooood! After we just walked around because we were so bloated! It started to get cold so I went to buy a sweater. We went to line up for California Screaming and luckily we made it there before they closed the line! After the ride, we went to wait for World of Colors. We didn't get to see it from the center but babe still enjoyed it (: I swear I can never get over that show! The fireworks at Disneyland went off earlier then it was suppose to so babe and I ran over but we found out that if we left California Adventures we wouldn't be able to get back in so we went to wait for the Tower of Terror ride x) After we went back to Disneyland and rode the teacups and just spent the rest of the time just walking around (: Babe was tired so he slept in the car, drove him back home then I got home. Best date ever! Thanks baby! I love you (:

Friday, March 25

Went to visit Lincoln with Cathy then she came along with me to pick up Eugene. Got McDonalds then got lost finding his aunt's salon and while he was getting his hair cut.. I WAS PLAYING POKEMON :D After we dropped Cathy off and then we went to Riverside. I was tired so I ended up just knocking out after we finished watching Toy Story 3 and spent the night. Yay I got to fall asleep in babe's arms (:

Saturday, March 26

OMG THIS GUY WILL NOT LET ME SLEEP! LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEE! I ended up staying in bed playing Pokemon for a while, then we went to get Taco Bell, watched Lilo and Stitch, then falling asleep again. When we woke up, babe took me to eat unlimited sushi! It was sooooo goood! After I had to leave so I dropped him off then came home.

Overall, I had a great time with babe(: Even though we had that one negative time.. we had a bunch of positive time! I wish I got to spend more time with him but this just means I get to be more happy to see him when I do (: I love you babe! Thanks for the great memories(:

Hiatus!

So I haven't been blogging for a long time! I guess I just feel like I don't really have the time to anymore or I just don't know what to say.. or I'm just lazy. Heh Pretty much I've been focusing on school, hanging out with friends, and doing my own thing.

School has been pretty rough on my lately. Now I am actually doing my work,attending class, and loosing sleep because I want to get my work done. My dance history class hasn't caught my attention yet cause we've been pretty much reading and watching videos. Political Science is pretty fun! I really like my teacher! He makes class interesting! He totally messed with my head when midterms came around! I stayed up all night trying to make my study guide very useful because we get to use it during the midterm and right when we got the test.. I had to face palm because our answers and questions were the exact same as the ones in our study guide! Except mixed! Asian American Sociology is pretty fun but sometimes I wish I knew what to study for.. I'm guessing its just our readings? Oh my gosh.. Math134A. She freaken gives us so much work! I swear this class takes up like 70% of my homework time! Maybe 80%! I don't really like the way she teaches.. I feel like I'm learning this more on my own. I can probably pass this class without even going to class!

YUCA Dance.. We're pretty much done with all of our main performances. Now we're just going to work with re-teaching people for traditional and adjusting the formations and people because the LHTP Anniversary dinner just happen to land on the same night as Prom which knocks out a bunch of our seniors.

Friends. Pretty much I'm either with Judy, Cathy, or Kelly. I have no life but these losers! No I'm just kidding! I love our random adventures! Recently, we threw a surprise birthday party for Cathy at her dorm! Then we took her to Six Flags that weekend (:

Money. Oh my gosh why must money always be an issue :( Even if I don't eat out as often or don't buy random shit.. I always end up not having enough money.. Maybe cause of gas and little things add up.. *sighh I really wish I have a job.. I really hope Dennis gives me that job. I mean I love Underworld and all but.. I need more pay! I feel that working with my mom will give me a good income.. but at the same time I feel like I'm still getting money off of my parent.

Rain rain go away pleaseeeee!

Boyfriendddddd. Fuck you. No I'm just kidding! Well.. we've fought a lot these past 1.5 months. It was pretty o.o But we got through it. There were times that I thought that we would split but sometimes.. you gotta take that extra step out of the box to make things work. He's stubborn and so am I. We drive each other crazy and piss each other off. Sometimes even during the worst part of our lives, like finals. Sometimes I make mistakes and he'd ignore me for days or vice versa. In all honesty, he just has a strange way of showing that he cares and I'm just a crazy girl that would drive all the way to Riverside and wait for who knows how long just to try to make things work. Like I said.. that extra step out of the box. I mean.. I know we just started going out and all but he's someone who would fight back for me. Someone who wants to stay with me and make things right. Someone who can't stand to see me unhappy and would do anything to make me happy. Sometimes I am lost with words when it comes to him. In a good way! Everyone told me that he isn't worth my time because of the countless fights we had but everyone should know that I'm the type of girl who wouldn't give up. And when I do.. it takes me to have to walk away for people to realize things.. Trust guys, I haven't given up on this asshole yet (:

Family.. I guess things are slowly falling together.. Molina is slowly bringing her grades up and understanding how life works since she's going through the high school phase. Salina is just freakishly loving with me! EWW just kidding. Aileen.. ehh she's just there lol jk. Dad hasn't been all bitchy moody. And mom is just her usual self.

College and high school friends.. It still hasn't hit me that a bunch of these kiddos are going into college! Some getting into their dream school and some dreams getting crushed.. I'm proud of those who got into where they want to! And to those who didn't.. hey I was in your shoes once. I was one of those kids who got rejected to every college except for CSUN. I knew that even though I thought I worked hard.. I didn't work hard enough back in high school. I gave up on myself because I felt that I wasn't good enough. I lost my motivation ever since all those family deaths and the things I had to go through. I felt that the only time I actually enjoyed high school was my senior year. In all honesty.. you shouldn't let anyone put you down because you go to a community college. I understand that going to a cc, everyone looks down at you because they think you're not smart. Well guess what? They're wrong! Just because they got into a school with a good name doesn't mean you can't do it either! You can still do it! Set your minds to what you want in life! I know that it's hard but trust me, you'll be fine (: Do what you love and enjoy it. Thats where success comes from.

Other then that.. life's good (:

I don't know what to feel..

. . .

Healthy Living

1. Drink one glass of water every hour. It will make you feel full.

2. Drink ice cold water. Your body will burn calories just getting the water to a normal temperature to digest. Also it is great for your complexion.

3. Drink 3 cups of green tea daily. It will help boost your metabolism, plus its anti-oxidants make your skin look great.

4. Take vitamins daily. Do not take vitamins on an empty stomache, otherwise they have nothing to catalyze with.

5. Eat ice or gum when hungry. This will make your body think it had food without the calories.

Good Advice (:

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E’s - Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did in 2009.
7. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
8. Sleep for 7 hours.
9. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

1. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
3. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
6. Dream more while you are awake.
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
8. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more.
14. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

1. Call your family often.
2. Each day give something good to others.
3. Forgive everyone for everything.
4. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
5. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
6. What other people think of you is none of your business.
7. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

1. Do the right thing!
2. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
3. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
4. The best is yet to come.
5. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

How can I?

How do you expect me to put up with your shit, accept you for who you are, and be with you if you can't even fucken trust me?

How can I give you my all and you're never fucken satisfied?

You're pushing my faster away then you think.

I'm sorry.

You quoted no strings attached and said "if you miss someone, you can't call,text, IM, facebook, etc. saying that you miss them. you have to make the effort to see them." You make it seem like I always have time to see you. You have your life and I have mine. I'm not free 24/7 and when I am I do talk to you. Or at least TRY. And when I know I'm free on a certain day and have money, everyone knows I reserve that certain to go see you.

You said to cherish what I have even though I strongly dislike my dad. Family will always be there. Yeah I strongly dislike my dad. We fight. Everyone fights. Everyone has their ups and downs. Everyone says stupid things when they're mad. I do love my family. I love my mom and sisters to death. My dad and I do not have a stable relationship. None of us have a stable relationship. But he's still my dad.

You assume that everything was a lie. If everything was a fucken lie. I would have fucken left forever ago. I don't lead on people. I am for real.

You say that I'm out wasting money instead of using that money for gas to see you. YOU SWEAR AS IF GAS IS FUCKEN CHEAP. WHEN I GO TO SEE YOU. I WASTE MORE THEN HALF A FUCKEN TANK. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A FUCKEN STABLE JOB? DO YOU THINK I CAN EVEN FILL UP A WHOLE TANK NOW? NO. I BARLEY HAVE ENOUGH. AND IF I DO HAVE MONEY, DO YOU THINK I CAN USE IT SO EASILY? I OWE PEOPLE MONEY AND I HAVE TO PAY FOR BOOKS.

Why couldn't I answer you? BECAUSE I WAS CRYING MY FUCKEN ASS OFF. DO YOU THINK IT'S EASY FOR ME TO TALK WHEN I'M CRYING A FUCKEN OCEAN?

Why won't I tell you whats wrong? BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS CATCH ME AT A BAD TIME. GIVE ME SPACE WHEN I NEED IT. BE PATIENT WITH ME. I WILL TELL YOU EVENTUALLY. I WON'T TELL YOU ASAP, BUT I WILL TELL YOU.

Why couldn't I see you Valentines day? Cause I was dead fucken broke during that time and you knew it.

You asked "Why did you say yes when you're already so busy during break then how will we see each other when school starts?" Because I make time. I am a busy girl but I make time to see people. Everyone knows that I would choose to see you if I already planned
to. In fact, I was going to go surprise visit you tomorrow, but I guess not anymore.

You asked if there is another guy. Wow. Really? You think I will let another guy get at me when I'm with someone? Is that what you really think of me? I guess you really don't know me.

I'm sorry if my effort isn't good enough for you. I'm sorry that I'm trying to juggle my life around. I'm sorry then I'm a fucken bitch when I'm mad. I'm sorry that I'm not rich. I'm sorry that I have a bunch of guy friends that care. I'm sorry that I haven't been really keeping in contact with you, but at least I try to call or text you but when I do, you're either sleeping or busy hanging out. I give you your space. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I'm sorry I'm cranky when I don't get enough sleep. I'm sorry I love to sleep a lot. I'm sorry for not answering you back right away. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything you see wrong about me. I'm sorry for being who I am.

Do you think it helps when I want to talk to you cause I'm upset and all you do is stay quiet or just say "okay I'll talk to you later." Do you think I like getting yelled at to wake up early in the morning when you know that I slept late? Do you think I don't want to talk to you when I'm either busy or driving? Do you think it's easy for me to get money? Do you think it doesn't bother me when you're out late and I don't get a response by either text or call? Do you think that I don't care about you? Do you think I don't try to find a day to go see you? Do you really think that I don't want to be with you?

Fact: I am a really complicated person to figure out. In fact, everyone is a puzzle. You have to put the pieces together to figure it all out.

Like seriously..

Things haven't been going so well on my end.. I need a get away

From Eugene

Hi babe :). I hope your having a wonderful day even though we aren't together. Going to kbbq without me...was unacceptable, but I forgive you :) Everytime I think about you I think about how lucky I am and if I truly do deserve you. Do I? I can only wish.. ^^ I miss your kisses and hugs from behind...and I wish I can see you very soon. And although I might not always put a smile on that cute face of yours... I wish this small thing I did will...even its only for one second. Happy valentines day baby. I love you and I miss you so much. So to finish this off I'll hand this off to my new friend stitch.. "Will you be my valentine?"

Exactly

Bestfriends are people you don't need to talk to every single day. You don't need to talk to each other for weeks, but when you do, it's as if you didn't even stop talking.

28111802(:

• I like how we took things slow.
• I like how you were positive about it.
• I like how we put 50/50% effort into us.
• I like how you're not afraid to show that I'm yours in public.
• I like how you text me good morning and good night.
• I like how you trust me.
• I like how you let me be independent.
• I like how you would spoil me but let me pay for myself sometimes.
• I like how we both accept and understand my love for Disney and your love for Starcraft.
• I like how you took care of me when I was sick.
• I like how we share a strong passion for dance.
• I like how you would take me on random dates.
• I like how you would randomly compliment me even though I do stupid things.
• I like how you accept me for who I am.
• I like how you're very supportive.
• I like how you're understanding.
• I like how you listen when I need someone to talk to.
• I like how you know when to be serious and when to joke around.
• I like how we take stupid pictures together.
• I like how you can always make me laugh.
• I like how you're yourself around me.
• I like how you remember the little things.
• I like how we always have a love hate thing going on.
• I like how you're such a sweet cheeseball.
• I like how we're so competitive when it comes to video games.
• I like how you're open with me.
• I like how you're truthful with me.
• I like how you're down for me.
• I like how you would give me random kisses.
• I like how you would randomly hug me.
• And I like how there's just so many things to like about you(:
  

Damn..

pink eye again?!

Stomach Flu

Today marks day two of my suffering! It all started Friday night when I wasn't feeling well when I was at UCLA. After that things were okay until Tuesday night. I ate some noodles before I went to bed because you know me, always hungry, then I had a stomach ache. I thought that it would pass by but it didn't T.T Around 4am, I started having really bad stomach pain. A few hours later, I was throwing up like crazy. I would say about 10 times in totally through out the day :(

Today I was still in pain but less then the day before. I can finally consume food without throwing it all up and walk normally again. Although I still have a little pain, it's way better then how it was before! I was in bed pretty much all day :(

Apparently, there's been a stomach flu going around UCLA =.=

Life's Good!

• Getting to class on time today!
• Cute lunch date!
  
• Finishing homework before going out!
• Nice afternoon walk.
  
• Got to take a nap.
• See people I haven't seen in a while.
• Supporting E-Tunes at FUSE
• Dancing the night away!
• Surprise phone call!
• Job interview tomorrow! (Thanks Gary!)
• Cute gift from Lily!
• NO CLASS TOMORROW!
• GRV AUDITIONS NEXT WEEK?!
  

(:

Date with Julie (:

He Won't, So He Will.

• You won’t reply to her text messages & won’t pick up her calls, so she talks to another guy who will.


• You’re too busy to spend time with her, so she chills with a guy who actually wants to see her.


• You’re not making an effort for you & her being together, so she’s with a guy who doesn’t make her feel alone.

Don’t trip when after you guys break up, there’s already someone else ‘cause he was there when you weren’t.

When I was younger, I..

• Wrote
• Drew
• Was a tomboy
• Played basketball
• Played soccer
• Sang in choir for 4 years
• Want to become a figure skater
• Do ballet
• Want to play the piano
• Rollerblade
• Play with fire and almost burned the house down
• Started to become independent in elementary school
  
• Use to be top of the class
• Was always selfless
• Use to be considered tall
• Was a wild child
• Have been dancing since forever
• Always had my priorities

these were some topics that came up in our conversation today.
I ended up asking myself a lot "what happened?"

Drift Away..

I feel that since we went our separate ways, the people I use to be close with are no longer around as much.. nor do we talk anymore.. Sometimes I feel that maybe if I don't get too close to people anymore, I'm better off living life without worrying about who is in my life and who isn't. Maybe.. I wouldn't be so emotionally hurt. Maybe I wouldn't have to keep telling myself lies.

Sleep Deprived

Can you tell?

Late Birthday Celebration @ Disneyland