whats on my mind

ARG FUCK MAN I SWEAR I REALLY HAVE THE FUCKEN URGE TO JUST FUCKEN.. ARG!

first of all. dance. yes we do only have 2 practices left and no it's not mandatory but it's more of like you fucken should. if you know the routine, and you're at majority of the practices, then by all means you do what you must. if you don't fucken know it and you don't come to practice at all, then know that it will be your fucken fault if you screw up. us choreographers give up our time to help you guys out and have a lot of patience. we did not stop you from skipping out or not because it's not our responsibility to babysit you guys. you chose to take this extracurricular and it's your own responsibility to balance out your time. i'd have to admit that this year is pretty disappointing because of the lack of dedication. but i'm really proud of those who do.

second. work. omfg sometimes my kids just don't know when to fucken shut up. it's nice to have conversations once in a while and laugh. but the point where you just keep talking and not doing your work really pisses me off. us tutors aren't there just to mingle with you guys. nor are you guys there to mingle. also to the point where we have to tell you guys to lower your volumes more then 5 times is wayyy too much. and that new kid in my class today. who gives you the fucken right to disturb everyone and fucken talk back to us tutors? and do we really need to tell you to do your work every minute? we're trying really hard to help and everyone of you guys. we know that you guys are smart but everyone needs help every now and then.

third. ballet. fuck if you girls don't wanna fucken be in the class and just talk while we're all trying to get the moves down and fernadez is doing her best to help us. then get the fuck out. transfer out. let people who actually want to be there have the chance to even be in that class. we have our fun times. but don't you guys fucken know when to have fun and take things seriosuly?

fourth. shut the fuck up. don't tell me to fucken give up like that. just because i'm not with him, it doesn't mean that i should stop trying. i like this slow process. there's no need to rush into things. whatever happens between us, happens.

last, i'm more disappointed in my self for keeping things to my self instead of actually stepping up and saying something. i've been bottling up so much shit for the past few months and i'm about ready to snap anytime soon. i hesitate more then i ever do. i'm more scared then i have ever been. i'm more self controlled then how i use to be. i'm starting to get to the point where i'm more quiet and just want to get away from everything and just cry. keep everything to myself. and not let anyone know whats on my mind.

arg. i don't fucken know anymore. i'm starting to not know who i am myself anymore.